Slowing Down

 My family has often told me that I am crazy, but somehow I seem to thrive on being busy.   Open spaces in my calendar fill me with guilt that I surely could be doing more. 

Today I tried my darnedest to post a new FHE lesson.  It was going to be about the fruits of the spirit.  It's all scanned in and half-typed.  But life happened.  In addition to the normal chaos of Mondays which include it being an early release day at school, today was also Adam's birthday celebration at school since his birthday fell on a weekend.  I found myself decorating cupcakes and delivering them to his school in the time I normally would have spent on a lesson.  In past times, I may have knocked myself out and made it happen anyway, but it just wasn't coming together the way I'd hoped anyway, so I'm throwing  in the towel. 

So instead of a lesson, I'm going to share this little photo essay with you with a quote from President Dieter F. Uchtdorf that particularly struck me during the most recent General Conference.    It may be that Ellie is so exhausted all the time from her medicine or it may be that Ellie's mama is so exhausted all the time from keeping up with the kids, but lately I've been really feeling like we need to slow down more and this talk was just the inspiration I needed. 


"Let’s be honest; it’s rather easy to be busy. We all can think up a list of tasks that will overwhelm our schedules. Some might even think that their self-worth depends on the length of their to-do list. They flood the open spaces in their time with lists of meetings and minutia—even during times of stress and fatigue. Because they unnecessarily complicate their lives, they often feel increased frustration, diminished joy, and too little sense of meaning in their lives.

 
It is said that any virtue when taken to an extreme can become a vice. Overscheduling our days would certainly qualify for this. There comes a point where milestones can become millstones and ambitions, albatrosses around our necks.

The wise understand and apply the lessons of tree rings and air turbulence. They resist the temptation to get caught up in the frantic rush of everyday life. They follow the advice 'There is more to life than increasing its speed.' In short, they focus on the things that matter most.

Elder Dallin H. Oaks, in a recent general conference, taught, 'We have to forego some good things in order to choose others that are better or best because they develop faith in the Lord Jesus Christ and strengthen our families.'

The search for the best things inevitably leads to the foundational principles of the gospel of Jesus Christ—the simple and beautiful truths revealed to us by a caring, eternal, and all-knowing Father in Heaven. These core doctrines and principles, though simple enough for a child to understand, provide the answers to the most complex questions of life.


There is a beauty and clarity that comes from simplicity that we sometimes do not appreciate in our thirst for intricate solutions.

Strength comes not from frantic activity but from being settled on a firm foundation of truth and light. It comes from placing our attention and efforts on the basics of the restored gospel of Jesus Christ. It comes from paying attention to the divine things that matter most.

Let us simplify our lives a little. Let us make the changes necessary to refocus our lives on the sublime beauty of the simple, humble path of Christian discipleship—the path that leads always toward a life of meaning, gladness, and peace." 



Thank you to my friend Katie for the inspiration.  :)




******************************

More Mothering Philosophy

So now you know some of the ways I've learned to cut out the non-important/stressful elements of motherhood, here is the low down on what I consider to be some of the essential elements of building stronger family relationships.  While each of them in and of themselves may seem small or unimportant, I cling to this quote from Elder Bednar in General Conference last year, about how it's the diligent and consistent efforts of sticking with those little things that add up to the creation of an "impressive masterpiece".  

"Each family prayer, each episode of family scripture study, and each family home evening is a brushstroke on the canvas of our souls. No one event may appear to be very impressive or memorable. But just as the yellow and gold and brown strokes of paint complement each other and produce an impressive masterpiece, so our consistency in doing seemingly small things can lead to significant spiritual results. “Wherefore, be not weary in well-doing, for ye are laying the foundation of a great work. And out of small things proceedeth that which is great” (D&C 64:33). Consistency is a key principle as we lay the foundation of a great work in our individual lives and as we become more diligent and concerned in our own homes."  (Elder David A Bednar, Ensign, Nov. 2009)

(in no particular order)

1. Family dinners.  Dinner doesn't need to be fancy (a bowl of cereal will do), but there's something about the simple gathering around the table that does more for reconnecting than a thousand special outings.  With kids on four different school schedules, it's often the only time of the day where we are all (or mostly all) gathered in one location all day.  I hear them joking with each other, telling about their days, and in general, enjoying being together.   It's honestly one of my favorite times of the day.  

(Apparently I don't take pictures of us at the dinner table very often, since this one of us at a restaurant was the only one I could find. )

2. Family Home Evenings.  Anyone who's been reading my blog for long knows that I am a family home evening lover.  I feel so strongly that I never want my kids to wonder how I feel about the gospel.  While it's not always easy finding a time that we can all meet together, I love that I get a weekly opportunity to bear my testimony to them.  With my kids now 5-15 years old, our lessons have had to evolve over the years, but I find us covering the same topics year after year, the gospel basics.  We use lots of pictures and object lessons for the younger  kids and in-depth discussions on real life applications for the older kids. 

3. Getting to know the kids' teachers (and classmates).  This one is hard when you're in the midst of taking care of babies and toddlers, but even a small effort will pay off.    I really like seeing the teacher's interactions with the kids.  I like seeing how my own child interacts with the other kids.  I like seeing which kids my child seems to be friends with and which kids I would like them to foster friendships with.  In addition, field trips are also a great way to connect with other parents, that you may otherwise rarely see.   I also rather like the loud exclamations of, "Adam's Mom! Adam's Mom!" whenever their classmates see me.  :)

 (Here is one of the most recent field trips that I chaperoned--a science conference at the Udvar-Hazy Air and Space Museum.  They all wore their lab coats and presented power point presentations on their science project.   I guess I'll be taking power point lessons from my third grader now. )

4. Reading to your kids every day.  I, for one, love reading time as much for the snuggling as I do for literary benefits.  I read to my kids as long as they'll let me and I cherish that time with them.

(I love this picture of my dad reading to Ellie and Andrew)

5. Waking up before your kids.  In years past I've  woke up about the same time as the kids and found that I often didn't get my own needs taken care of (like a shower or a good breakfast), because I was so frantic getting them ready.   Since Spencer has begun early morning seminary and Cami has started middle school, I am forced to be up before the little ones (long before them), and I am surprised at how much smoother my days go now.  It's worth it to get up before them, even if it's only 15-20 minutes.

6. Taking walks with your kids.  Not only is it good exercise, but I really feel like getting away from the distractions of the house is therapeutic for them and me.  I invariably hear far more details about their days and funny stories that I don't know that I would've heard otherwise.  I love it.  I also love how, as we saunter slowly around the neighborhood, they take notice of the beauty in the world around them--the birds, the squirrels, the flowers, the clouds. 

7. Family prayers.  We're at the stage of life that we end up saying several family prayers each morning and night, so that no one gets missed.  I feel like this simple exercise of being quiet and turning our hearts to God for a few moments every day, is one of the most powerful things we can do to teach our children what the gospel means to us.

8. Hold your babies and snuggle with toddlers as long as possible.  I can't believe that I'm past those years of my life now, but I am a big advocate for holding your babies as much as humanly possible. While of course there are times you have to set them down, but I feel like the hours spent holding and snuggling them instead of putting them in the bouncy seat or swing is time you'll never regret.  I know it's cliche, but it's a true cliche; chores and projects can wait, but babies don't wait to grow.  Hold 'em, snuggle 'em, love 'em....it's worth it.

 (Ellie gets a little jealous when I hold other babies.)

9.  Moderation & Balance.  I tend to be someone who tackles things 150% when something captures my interest.  While my interests are not bad or anything, I have to be careful not to let it take over.  Moderation in my own pursuits.  Moderation in kids' pursuits.  It's not easy finding the right balance, but making an effort to keep your life in balance--physically, spiritually, emotionally--is something that helps the pieces to fit together better. 

10. Light-heartedness.  I am one who tends to take myself too seriously, so it is with effort that I have to strive not to be too serious with the kids, especially the older ones.   Of course there are times to be serious, but do they really need a 10 minute lecture about how they're supposed to clear their dishes from the table?  I notice that the more I put aside the lectures and try to keep a smile on my face while we talk, the more they listen.  Being able to laugh at myself certainly is helpful with having  teenagers too. 

 

(Don't ask.)

 PS  All this philosophizing is kind of tiring.  Beware of bubbling goofiness starting to brew. :) 

****************************************************

The Best Birthday Ever

 I've thought many times about how cool it would be to be wealthy and to be able to go around and do random nice things for people...like paying their rent.  Or buying their groceries.  Or starting a scholarship fund.    But for as cool as it sounded, it always seemed too hard.  We're not wealthy and my life is crazy busy.

Then, a couple of weeks ago, I read here about a woman who decided to celebrate her birthday by performing random acts of kindness around town....one for every year of her life.

So it was, that I realized that while we may not be wealthy, we certainly aren't destitute either.  I decided to copycat her idea and celebrate my 37th birthday by spending the week performing 37 random acts of kindness. I hesitated sharing this special experience here in a public forum, but decided that since I had been inspired by someone else, that perhaps I, too, may inspire someone else to start their own ripples of kindness, thereby perpetuating the good going forward.

Here is my report:  

1.  Let Emma and friends hold a cookie and water stand in the front yard, despite me being busy and not really wanting to have to clean up from a 9-year-old cookie baking spree--it sure made their day though when they each earned a couple dollars from nice neighbors who humored them and their latest foray into the business world

2.  Let the preschool kids come over for a last minute playdate when the teacher had sick kids

 

 3.  Took a walk around the neighborhood and picked up 2 bags full of trash--I was shocked at how much trash we found, especially in the area near the busy road.  We decided we need to do this on a more regular basis.  

4. Made homemade bread and brought it to the kids' teachers for no reason

5.  Sent a surprise package to unsuspecting recipient

6.  Paid for car behind me at Chick-fil-A drive-through--this was actually one of the first "jobs" of my kindness spree and I was totally unprepared for how choked up I got when I looked through the rear-view mirror and saw her previously somber face turn into a big grin at being told that her bill had been paid

7. Visa gift card set on the front seat of a car with an open window

8.  Gave a friend an unexpected gift

9. Forgave Cami and didn't ground her for 25 years when she announced my actual age from the pulpit during her sacrament meeting talk today--I figured since I was announcing my age here for the world wide web to know, I couldn't get too mad at her

10. Taped a grocery store gift card  to the windshield of car in elementary school parking lot--I found I really liked the anonymity of putting things on people's cars. 

11. Gave balloons to a family with 4 kids--This was a good lesson on sharing for Ellie, who was insanely jealous that I had not gotten her a balloon as well.

12. Brought an unexpected dinner to a family who is moving soon

13.Taped exact change onto 3 vending machines

14. Gave money to a homeless person in DC--it sounds small, but it's definitely something I don't do on a regular basis

15. Taped  goofy candy bar notes onto 2 people's windshields

16.  Paid for someone's dinner at McDonald's

17. Donated generously to Gifts of the Heart (a church sponsored clothing and household item exchange)

18. Taped packs of gum with nice notes onto 2 car's windows

 
19. Carried bulky bags for a friend while she ran in a race

20. On the way out the door after eating my birthday dinner at Chevy's, dropped a gift card onto a neighboring table 

21. Brought an unexpected dinner to a friend having a crazy day--this is one of those things that I need to do more often.  While I'm always willing to sign-up to bring a dinner, sometimes I don't think of the people who haven't asked for help. 

22.  Sent an old friend a "real" letter.  You know the kind you have to put a stamp onto.

23.  Taped a Barnes and Noble gift card  to the windshield of car

 24.  Walked into Target and handed a lady a Target gift card--she actually didn't seem very excited about it, but still I felt strongly that she was the right person to give it to.

25.  Dropped a basket of flowers off at a random person's house

26.  Taped an Itunes gift card onto the windshield of a car 

27.  Brought treats and cards to local fire station to say, "Thanks for serving our community."

28.  Didn't yell at the kids when they were grumpy and quarreling on my birthday

29.  Found a lady walking in the park and handed her an Itunes gift card 

30.  Brought treats and a note to someone who just moved in

31.  Gathered stray carts scattered around a parking lot and returned them to the store--this one was something that was actually noticed by the store manager who was quite happy and expressed his gratitude. 

32.   Left kind notes in random places

33.  Brought a bottle of laundry soap with several quarters taped to it and dropped them off at the local laundromat

34.  Paid for car behind us at McDonald's drive-through--this probably ended up being one of my favorite ways to surprise people.  I got to see their reaction through the rear-view mirror, but did not have to talk to them. 

35.  Handed out lollipops to children after church was over--sorry if I sent your kids home on a sugar high 

36. Put an Itunes gift card on the front seat of someone's car

37.  Said yes to the kids when they wanted to eat spaghetti and meatball dinner outside in the yard--I'm quite sure our neighbors think we are a little on the strange side, but, hey, it made the kids happy and kept the meatballs off our floor! 

Although, there's no way I could keep up this frenetic pace of handing people gift cards and candy, I do hope that in the future that I will better be able to recognize opportunities for reaching out to others...in large and small ways.  It truly was an experience of a life-time and I want to thank my family for being supportive of our crazy adventures that took us all over town.  It truly was the best birthday ever.  :) 

Acts of kindness are like pebbles tossed into a reflecting pool. The ripples radiate outward long after the deed is done.

************************************************************************