0 x 0 -- The Lord's Math

Have you ever asked Siri what 0 divided by 0 equals?

Siri answers something really smart alecky about dividing zero cookies amongst zero friends and cookie monster being sad and whatever. It always made the kids giggle when they were little and usually made me want to make cookies!   :)

But have you ever asked Siri what 0 x 0 =

The answer is not silly at all. The answer is simply just zero. 

But maybe Siri could use an update. Here’s what I propose she says:

“When we put zero effort into something, we get zero blessings from it.”

We have powerful promises given to us by modern apostles that when we engage in sacrificing to center our lives on Christ our entire families will be blessed. These promised blessings range from increased protection from the adversary, strengthened testimonies, and greater light and knowledge from the Holy Ghost. These are blessings that we all could use….no matter what season of life we are in.

By definition, sacrifice means to give up something of value for the sake of something else even more important or more worthy. Sometimes I think we think of sacrifice and we think of big things--like donating lots of money or spending hours and hours on a church calling, but I think that the sacrifices that really matter are the day-to-day ones. The little things we give up to bless our families and to keep Christ in our daily lives.

A perfect example of this is the sacrifice mothers and fathers make to raise their children in faith. That may mean waking up a little earlier than you want to say a prayer with the kids that leave the house first. That may mean not watching that show on Saturday night, so you can finish reading the Come, Follow Me reading for that week.  Or it may mean following a prompting to do something you'd rather not do.

If you will sacrifice what the Lord has asked you to sacrifice, he will make more out of your life than you can.

There are many examples of people all over the world that sacrifice huge things in the name of following Christ. I read an example about members of the church in Sub-Saharan Africa not working their farms on Sunday and somehow finding that their fields are yielding more crops than neighboring farms that are much larger.

In my own family, my parents have given up 2-years of their retirement to serve the people of Paris, France on a senior mission. It is a sacrifice not only of comfort, but also of money, and time away from family and friends. Us kids honestly wondered if they would even be able to get their house ready to rent out for two years, let alone have the stamina to do what needed to be done on a mission. Yet they are thriving. They are being stretched in ways that are blessing their lives as much as the people they’re serving. Their blessings far outweigh the sacrifice they’ve made.

This quote illustrates this point perfectly:
“The Lord’s ways are higher than our ways—and so is His arithmetic. It is different than ours.” (Chad Webb, S&I Broadcast, August 2015)

Yes, it’s true that 0 x 0 = 0 and that if we don’t put any effort to studying Come, Follow Me with our families, we’ll receive zero blessings for it. BUT 1 + 1 in the Lord’s arithmetic is much greater than 2. Christ takes us where we are and makes us more. Makes us enough. He blesses us in beautiful and multitudinous ways that we can barely fathom. CHRIST + ME = ENOUGH

Elder Richard G Scott has said, “Are there so many fascinating, exciting things to do, or so many challenges pressing upon you, that it is hard to keep focused on that which is essential? Satan has a powerful tool to use against good people, those who are committed to a worthy, righteous life, who want to do good and intend to make the most of this life. His tool is distraction. He would have good people fill life with "good things" so there is no room for the "essential ones." Have you unconsciously been caught in that trap?” (Finding Peace, Happiness, and Joy [2007])

What is distracting us? For me it’s often my phone.  It’s a blessing to be able to communicate so easily with my family that live scattered all over the world, but how often do I let myself get sucked into social media or other pursuits that have no lasting value? It’s all about balance.

Sacrifice is a matter of the heart.

Elder Neal A. Maxwell said: “The submission of one’s will is really the only uniquely personal thing we have to place on God’s altar. The many other things we ‘give’…are actually the things He has already given or loaned to us.” We can surrender our will to His, and dedicate our lives to building up His kingdom and serving His children.”

And in D&C 64:33 we read, "Be not weary in well-doing, for ye are laying the foundation of a great work. And out of small things proceedeth that which is great.”

Let us not be weary in making room for Christ in our lives. It is worth every sacrifice--large or small--to allow those great blessings to come our way.

Getting Off the Hamster Wheel of Perfectionism

I remember in high school sometimes complaining to my parents that I wasn't really good at anything. While a good student, I was far from being valedictorian. While an enthusiastic cross country and track captain, I spent most of my time injured and running the ranks of junior varsity. I couldn't sing solos like the Cottles, I wasn't fashionable or witty, and, heck, I wasn't even that great at making my bangs big.

When I complained about my lack of talents to my parents, they would always dutifully console me and remind me about some of the less visible skills that I had--you know like french braiding my own hair,  eating 3 doughnuts in a sitting, and saying all the books of the New Testament in under 30 seconds. Yeah, I was just that cool.  Later my dad, during one of their pep talks, introduced me to the quote, "Jack of all trades, master of none." Though he meant it as a compliment that I could do many types of things reasonably well, I always thought of it as a sad, but apt description of my abilities.

Now I'm 30 or so years past my high school days and I still find myself occasionally plagued by the same insecurities. I try my darnedest to do all the things I feel like I’m “supposed” to do, but rarely feel like it’s enough. It’s easy to look around and see all of the people who can do x, y, or z better than me.

One day a few years ago, I came across this article on the church website. It was the first time that I even realized that the church website had a blog section with articles written by every day people. This article, called, “The Perfect Lie,” rocked my world in a very real way. If you haven’t read it yet, I highly recommend stopping to read it right now. Even if you have read it, but not for a while, I recommend reading it again. It’s life-changing.

I realized that I had been living my life exactly the way she described in the beginning of her article--going through life with my long-list of things I need to do and if only I can cross enough of those off my list, then maybe I’ll reach some elusive state of goodness or contentment in my life.

The author puts it as the ME + MORE = CHRISTLIKE way of living life.

The problem is, is that that “MORE” list is endless. I want to be MORE spiritual, serve MORE, read the scriptures MORE, be MORE fit, be MORE sensitive to those I minister to, cook MORE healthy food, clean the house MORE, etc. etc. While none of those desires is wrong or bad, the list is truly endless and there’s absolutely no way that I’ll ever be able to do enough MORE to actually be Christlike. It’s a hamster wheel that Satan would love for us to stay on endlessly, because it’s discouraging and unsatisfying in the best of times, but absolutely heartrending when things, out of our control, come and take away our abilities to do even the bare minimum in our lives, yet alone the MORE. Things like poor health (our own or that of a family member), a lost job, a big move, mental illness, a struggling child, or whatever can wreak havoc on our efforts to always be MORE. (PS All those examples I listed are things that we’ve faced in our family.)

But when we change up the equation and instead look for ways to add Christ to our lives, through him we can be ENOUGH. It’s actually a beautiful change.

ME + CHRIST = ENOUGH

It’s a change of semantics, but it’s powerful. When we go through our days and seek for ways to make Christ a part of our days, rather than an item on a to-do list, it changes everything.

I love this quote from the article:

“As I studied Jesus’s life, I realized this was the continuous theme in His entire ministry: taking the weakest things of this earth and using His power to transform them into something miraculous.

Christ never asked us to give more than we have to give. Rather He asks, pleads, and invites us to learn of Him, come to Him, trust Him, and let Him make us more than we are.”

What does making Christ a part of my day look like for me?

It means getting off the hamster wheel of elusive perfectionism, putting away my phone, even if for a short time, and allowing myself to study and feel the words of Christ without distraction. It means sharing with my children  the insights I gain.  It means seeking for more time to be still and know that God is there.  Does it always go smoothly? No way. But I’ve found that as I’ve made Christ a part of my day, rather than an item on a checklist, that he takes me as I am--flaws and all--and, through his grace, I am strengthened to be MORE, and even better, to be ENOUGH.

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"Brothers and sisters, every one of us aspires to a more Christlike life than we often succeed in living. If we admit that honestly and are trying to improve, we are not hypocrites; we are human. May we refuse to let our own mortal follies, and the inevitable shortcomings of even the best men and women around us, make us cynical about the truths of the gospel, the truthfulness of the Church, our hope for our future, or the possibility of godliness. If we persevere, then somewhere in eternity our refinement will be finished and complete—which is the New Testament meaning of perfection."
Jeffrey R. Holland

Slowing Down

 My family has often told me that I am crazy, but somehow I seem to thrive on being busy.   Open spaces in my calendar fill me with guilt that I surely could be doing more. 

Today I tried my darnedest to post a new FHE lesson.  It was going to be about the fruits of the spirit.  It's all scanned in and half-typed.  But life happened.  In addition to the normal chaos of Mondays which include it being an early release day at school, today was also Adam's birthday celebration at school since his birthday fell on a weekend.  I found myself decorating cupcakes and delivering them to his school in the time I normally would have spent on a lesson.  In past times, I may have knocked myself out and made it happen anyway, but it just wasn't coming together the way I'd hoped anyway, so I'm throwing  in the towel. 

So instead of a lesson, I'm going to share this little photo essay with you with a quote from President Dieter F. Uchtdorf that particularly struck me during the most recent General Conference.    It may be that Ellie is so exhausted all the time from her medicine or it may be that Ellie's mama is so exhausted all the time from keeping up with the kids, but lately I've been really feeling like we need to slow down more and this talk was just the inspiration I needed. 


"Let’s be honest; it’s rather easy to be busy. We all can think up a list of tasks that will overwhelm our schedules. Some might even think that their self-worth depends on the length of their to-do list. They flood the open spaces in their time with lists of meetings and minutia—even during times of stress and fatigue. Because they unnecessarily complicate their lives, they often feel increased frustration, diminished joy, and too little sense of meaning in their lives.

 
It is said that any virtue when taken to an extreme can become a vice. Overscheduling our days would certainly qualify for this. There comes a point where milestones can become millstones and ambitions, albatrosses around our necks.

The wise understand and apply the lessons of tree rings and air turbulence. They resist the temptation to get caught up in the frantic rush of everyday life. They follow the advice 'There is more to life than increasing its speed.' In short, they focus on the things that matter most.

Elder Dallin H. Oaks, in a recent general conference, taught, 'We have to forego some good things in order to choose others that are better or best because they develop faith in the Lord Jesus Christ and strengthen our families.'

The search for the best things inevitably leads to the foundational principles of the gospel of Jesus Christ—the simple and beautiful truths revealed to us by a caring, eternal, and all-knowing Father in Heaven. These core doctrines and principles, though simple enough for a child to understand, provide the answers to the most complex questions of life.


There is a beauty and clarity that comes from simplicity that we sometimes do not appreciate in our thirst for intricate solutions.

Strength comes not from frantic activity but from being settled on a firm foundation of truth and light. It comes from placing our attention and efforts on the basics of the restored gospel of Jesus Christ. It comes from paying attention to the divine things that matter most.

Let us simplify our lives a little. Let us make the changes necessary to refocus our lives on the sublime beauty of the simple, humble path of Christian discipleship—the path that leads always toward a life of meaning, gladness, and peace." 



Thank you to my friend Katie for the inspiration.  :)




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Starting Your Own Kid's Craft Club

 Since a few of you seemed like you may be interested in starting your own kid's craft club, I decided to summarize (as much for me as for you) how to get one going.  We've done it as a summer activity, but you could definitely keep one going during the school year if there was interest.  You can do this with boys or girls and any age 4-11, as long as the crafts/activities were appropriately picked for the right age.     
 
  It does take some organizing and a bit of benevolent dictatorship to get moving with this, but  it's been so worth the effort to see the kids trying fun, creative ideas and developing friendships at the same time.  We made participation in the craft club free of charge, other than the supplies you provide when it's your turn to host. 

Here's how to get started:

1.  Make a general plan of how many kids you want to include and how often you want to meet.  (My suggestion is 6-8 children of similar age and meeting once a week).

2.  Invite people.  Tell them what your plan is and give them a deadline to respond.  This is also a good time to ask them what days/time will work out best for them.

3.  Based on who wants to participate and the days/time that they're available, pick an official day, time, and length.  (We ended up with Wednesday afternoons for 3 hours).    Please note that it may not be possible to accommodate everyone's preferences.  Go with the majority and if it doesn't work for someone, they'll either need to change their plans or they may not be able to participate. 

4.  Make a calendar of the dates (we had 8 participants, so I just calendared 8 Wednesdays in a row) and have people sign up for a day to host.  I did this by email and had everyone "Reply All", so that they could see which days were taken.  There was some trading around that happened later, but that was much easier to do once it was on the calendar initially. 

5.  Have people submit their craft ideas as soon as possible to be included on the calendar.  I did this so that 2 people did not plan the same craft unknowingly.  I think it also was inspirational to see other people's ideas.

6.  Be realistic.    Keep in mind the ages of the children when planning the crafts.   Younger children may have difficulty with some fine motor skills (like detailed cutting or tying knots). 

7.  Be flexible.  Be prepared for time fillers should the craft take less time than you'd expect.  ( I often planned a secondary craft while other moms would have them play outside).  Also expect that each child has a  different threshold for attention.  While it's fine to encourage a rushing child to slow down and take their time or remind a more detail oriented child that craft club is ending soon and they will need to wrap up, just don't criticize.  Kids are different and that's okay.  If two kids finish quickly and run off to play, it's okay.  Remember it's all about friendships and fun, which brings me to my next point. 

8.  Keep it lighthearted and have fun.  Remember that fun and developing friendships is what it's all about.    One of my crafts was really difficult for some of the girls, in particular my own daughter.  As her frustration level rose, I found myself starting to get a little irritated.  I had to remind myself why I was doing this in the first place and it helped me to be more patient with her and the others who were struggling.   

Coming soon a post filled with cheap, easy, fun craft ideas. 

More Mothering Philosophy

So now you know some of the ways I've learned to cut out the non-important/stressful elements of motherhood, here is the low down on what I consider to be some of the essential elements of building stronger family relationships.  While each of them in and of themselves may seem small or unimportant, I cling to this quote from Elder Bednar in General Conference last year, about how it's the diligent and consistent efforts of sticking with those little things that add up to the creation of an "impressive masterpiece".  

"Each family prayer, each episode of family scripture study, and each family home evening is a brushstroke on the canvas of our souls. No one event may appear to be very impressive or memorable. But just as the yellow and gold and brown strokes of paint complement each other and produce an impressive masterpiece, so our consistency in doing seemingly small things can lead to significant spiritual results. “Wherefore, be not weary in well-doing, for ye are laying the foundation of a great work. And out of small things proceedeth that which is great” (D&C 64:33). Consistency is a key principle as we lay the foundation of a great work in our individual lives and as we become more diligent and concerned in our own homes."  (Elder David A Bednar, Ensign, Nov. 2009)

(in no particular order)

1. Family dinners.  Dinner doesn't need to be fancy (a bowl of cereal will do), but there's something about the simple gathering around the table that does more for reconnecting than a thousand special outings.  With kids on four different school schedules, it's often the only time of the day where we are all (or mostly all) gathered in one location all day.  I hear them joking with each other, telling about their days, and in general, enjoying being together.   It's honestly one of my favorite times of the day.  

(Apparently I don't take pictures of us at the dinner table very often, since this one of us at a restaurant was the only one I could find. )

2. Family Home Evenings.  Anyone who's been reading my blog for long knows that I am a family home evening lover.  I feel so strongly that I never want my kids to wonder how I feel about the gospel.  While it's not always easy finding a time that we can all meet together, I love that I get a weekly opportunity to bear my testimony to them.  With my kids now 5-15 years old, our lessons have had to evolve over the years, but I find us covering the same topics year after year, the gospel basics.  We use lots of pictures and object lessons for the younger  kids and in-depth discussions on real life applications for the older kids. 

3. Getting to know the kids' teachers (and classmates).  This one is hard when you're in the midst of taking care of babies and toddlers, but even a small effort will pay off.    I really like seeing the teacher's interactions with the kids.  I like seeing how my own child interacts with the other kids.  I like seeing which kids my child seems to be friends with and which kids I would like them to foster friendships with.  In addition, field trips are also a great way to connect with other parents, that you may otherwise rarely see.   I also rather like the loud exclamations of, "Adam's Mom! Adam's Mom!" whenever their classmates see me.  :)

 (Here is one of the most recent field trips that I chaperoned--a science conference at the Udvar-Hazy Air and Space Museum.  They all wore their lab coats and presented power point presentations on their science project.   I guess I'll be taking power point lessons from my third grader now. )

4. Reading to your kids every day.  I, for one, love reading time as much for the snuggling as I do for literary benefits.  I read to my kids as long as they'll let me and I cherish that time with them.

(I love this picture of my dad reading to Ellie and Andrew)

5. Waking up before your kids.  In years past I've  woke up about the same time as the kids and found that I often didn't get my own needs taken care of (like a shower or a good breakfast), because I was so frantic getting them ready.   Since Spencer has begun early morning seminary and Cami has started middle school, I am forced to be up before the little ones (long before them), and I am surprised at how much smoother my days go now.  It's worth it to get up before them, even if it's only 15-20 minutes.

6. Taking walks with your kids.  Not only is it good exercise, but I really feel like getting away from the distractions of the house is therapeutic for them and me.  I invariably hear far more details about their days and funny stories that I don't know that I would've heard otherwise.  I love it.  I also love how, as we saunter slowly around the neighborhood, they take notice of the beauty in the world around them--the birds, the squirrels, the flowers, the clouds. 

7. Family prayers.  We're at the stage of life that we end up saying several family prayers each morning and night, so that no one gets missed.  I feel like this simple exercise of being quiet and turning our hearts to God for a few moments every day, is one of the most powerful things we can do to teach our children what the gospel means to us.

8. Hold your babies and snuggle with toddlers as long as possible.  I can't believe that I'm past those years of my life now, but I am a big advocate for holding your babies as much as humanly possible. While of course there are times you have to set them down, but I feel like the hours spent holding and snuggling them instead of putting them in the bouncy seat or swing is time you'll never regret.  I know it's cliche, but it's a true cliche; chores and projects can wait, but babies don't wait to grow.  Hold 'em, snuggle 'em, love 'em....it's worth it.

 (Ellie gets a little jealous when I hold other babies.)

9.  Moderation & Balance.  I tend to be someone who tackles things 150% when something captures my interest.  While my interests are not bad or anything, I have to be careful not to let it take over.  Moderation in my own pursuits.  Moderation in kids' pursuits.  It's not easy finding the right balance, but making an effort to keep your life in balance--physically, spiritually, emotionally--is something that helps the pieces to fit together better. 

10. Light-heartedness.  I am one who tends to take myself too seriously, so it is with effort that I have to strive not to be too serious with the kids, especially the older ones.   Of course there are times to be serious, but do they really need a 10 minute lecture about how they're supposed to clear their dishes from the table?  I notice that the more I put aside the lectures and try to keep a smile on my face while we talk, the more they listen.  Being able to laugh at myself certainly is helpful with having  teenagers too. 

 

(Don't ask.)

 PS  All this philosophizing is kind of tiring.  Beware of bubbling goofiness starting to brew. :) 

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How to Save Your Sanity as a Mother (and Help the Earth too)

 I am certainly far from an expert on motherhood, but in my 15 years of experience I have learned that there are certain cultural expectations placed on mothers that just aren't worth hanging onto.  You may not necessarily agree with all of my ideas, but these are some of the things I've let go of over the years that have, in effect,  preserved my sanity as a mother (and helped the earth too).

1. Getting kids involved in activities at too young of an age--the day will come soon enough when their lives will be filled with comings and goings, why make their life (and your life) prematurely crazy?   Too much competition and running to and fro is not going to help their development or arguably their athleticism (remember I'm talking about kids 8 and under).  I personally believe that one of the contributing factors to the childhood obesity epidemic is making kids believe that the only way to be active is at a sports practice or game.  For as great as sports are for teaching teamwork and learning about healthy competition (when they're old enough), it's not real life.  Running, jumping, and good old-fashioned playing with other children will teach them just as much about teamwork as any sport and help them to develop a fitter and healthier lifestyle.

Lest anyone accuse me of being anti-sports or anything, I have to say that Glen and I were both high school athletes (and Glen a collegiate athlete) and we both feel very strongly that sports are a great thing for our kids....just not too much too soon.  While you may not agree with my ideology, it has single-handedly been the biggest stress reducer in our lives (and saved the earth {and my behind} from all those extra car trips too).

2.  Daily baths.  Okay, don't call me an unfit mother here.  I just don't see any reason why my kids need daily baths, unless they're actually dirty.  If my kids don't smell good or are filthy, they'll get an extra bath, but otherwise twice a week works great when they're young.  As soon as they're old enough to care enough to bathe themselves (in the shower), they can bathe whenever they want.  This idea has streamlined our bedtime routine significantly and saved us from using 35-50 gallons of water per day.

3.  Cooking three course meals.  With as much as I like to cook, this one may surprise you, but I really believe that a healthy main dish, with a raw fruit or vegetable to be a perfectly fine meal.  I serve a salad kit, or  a handful of baby carrots with ranch dressing, or have apple or orange slices, or a simple fruit and spinach smoothie (which they love by the way).  I feel like the raw fruits and veggies are better for them anyway and it lets me focus in on making the main dish, rather than spreading myself even thinner at that crazy time of day.   It means I'm less stressed, we eat earlier (so the kids are happier),  and I don't use any more energy (mine or the earth's) in giving my kids a side dish.   My exception to this is that I often make homemade bread when we have soup for dinner. 

4.  Getting kids into too many activities (at any age).  Going along with my #1, I think if an older child is excited about music or sports or art, by all means find an outlet for them to develop their talents (and interests), but why on earth do so many people think that their kids need to do it all?  With heavy homework loads that seem to be creeping ever earlier into their school years, I feel like it's so important that kids have time to be kids.   Like #1, it benefits the earth reducing the daily car trips we take. 

5.  Saying, No, too quickly.   When I'm tired and busy, it is often my knee-jerk reaction to bark out, "No," to every question they ask of me.  I'm trying really hard to be better at pausing before I answer one way or the other.  While there's certainly plenty of opportunities to say no, but I feel like, in general, kids should hear more yeses than nos.  I remember a quote from Marjorie Hinckley who said that for every no she said to her children, she followed it with a yes...."No, you can't have a doughnut for dinner, but you can have one for breakfast tomorrow morning."  I'm definitely still working on this one!    This one benefits the earth by reducing the noise pollution coming from my house. 

6.  Trying to solve the kids problems for them.  Whether it be kids fighting, an argument with a friend, or a homework woe, it is my natural instinct to rush to the rescue and try to fix it.  While I still have to interject when they start yelling and screaming, I'm trying to be more hands off when it comes to finding their own solutions.  It saves my sanity and teaches them better coping mechanisms and it saves the earth by me sending out more confident and capable children into the world who know how to deal with their own troubles.

7.  Caring about what they wear. As long as they're clean and modest, who cares?  I have a child who 9 nights out of ten wears their jeans to bed.  It used to drive me crazy, but then I realized that he was still sleeping fine despite his uncomfortable attire, and the only person who cared one iota was me.  Same with the child who completely refused to wear collared shirts.  And the other who continues to dress in mismatching layers.  And the other who went an entire summer without wearing shorts because he didn't feel like it.  And still another who is growing so fast their clothes are almost always too small. I still have to fight my tendency to say anything, but I'm learning it's just one of those things that just doesn't matter a tiny bit and it's not worth the stress caring about it.  And the earth?  I'm stretching here, but letting my kids out of the house in their goofy outfits makes the world a little brighter and brings smiles to people's faces.   Plus if you have a child like mine who refuses to wear pajamas, it's just one less thing in the laundry pile.  :)

8.  I know it's cliche, but sweating the small things--Things that involve their safety or eternal salvation are too important to mess up on, but life is too short to spend fretting over all the things that don't matter or that we don't have any control over anyway.

What would you add to this list?  

This topic is taken from #11 on the list, 30 Things to Blog About , so if you have any more requests feel free to go back to that post and write in your vote for a topic for me to cover.

Coming next:  What parts of motherhood are worth sticking with, despite the time they take.

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The Best Birthday Ever

 I've thought many times about how cool it would be to be wealthy and to be able to go around and do random nice things for people...like paying their rent.  Or buying their groceries.  Or starting a scholarship fund.    But for as cool as it sounded, it always seemed too hard.  We're not wealthy and my life is crazy busy.

Then, a couple of weeks ago, I read here about a woman who decided to celebrate her birthday by performing random acts of kindness around town....one for every year of her life.

So it was, that I realized that while we may not be wealthy, we certainly aren't destitute either.  I decided to copycat her idea and celebrate my 37th birthday by spending the week performing 37 random acts of kindness. I hesitated sharing this special experience here in a public forum, but decided that since I had been inspired by someone else, that perhaps I, too, may inspire someone else to start their own ripples of kindness, thereby perpetuating the good going forward.

Here is my report:  

1.  Let Emma and friends hold a cookie and water stand in the front yard, despite me being busy and not really wanting to have to clean up from a 9-year-old cookie baking spree--it sure made their day though when they each earned a couple dollars from nice neighbors who humored them and their latest foray into the business world

2.  Let the preschool kids come over for a last minute playdate when the teacher had sick kids

 

 3.  Took a walk around the neighborhood and picked up 2 bags full of trash--I was shocked at how much trash we found, especially in the area near the busy road.  We decided we need to do this on a more regular basis.  

4. Made homemade bread and brought it to the kids' teachers for no reason

5.  Sent a surprise package to unsuspecting recipient

6.  Paid for car behind me at Chick-fil-A drive-through--this was actually one of the first "jobs" of my kindness spree and I was totally unprepared for how choked up I got when I looked through the rear-view mirror and saw her previously somber face turn into a big grin at being told that her bill had been paid

7. Visa gift card set on the front seat of a car with an open window

8.  Gave a friend an unexpected gift

9. Forgave Cami and didn't ground her for 25 years when she announced my actual age from the pulpit during her sacrament meeting talk today--I figured since I was announcing my age here for the world wide web to know, I couldn't get too mad at her

10. Taped a grocery store gift card  to the windshield of car in elementary school parking lot--I found I really liked the anonymity of putting things on people's cars. 

11. Gave balloons to a family with 4 kids--This was a good lesson on sharing for Ellie, who was insanely jealous that I had not gotten her a balloon as well.

12. Brought an unexpected dinner to a family who is moving soon

13.Taped exact change onto 3 vending machines

14. Gave money to a homeless person in DC--it sounds small, but it's definitely something I don't do on a regular basis

15. Taped  goofy candy bar notes onto 2 people's windshields

16.  Paid for someone's dinner at McDonald's

17. Donated generously to Gifts of the Heart (a church sponsored clothing and household item exchange)

18. Taped packs of gum with nice notes onto 2 car's windows

 
19. Carried bulky bags for a friend while she ran in a race

20. On the way out the door after eating my birthday dinner at Chevy's, dropped a gift card onto a neighboring table 

21. Brought an unexpected dinner to a friend having a crazy day--this is one of those things that I need to do more often.  While I'm always willing to sign-up to bring a dinner, sometimes I don't think of the people who haven't asked for help. 

22.  Sent an old friend a "real" letter.  You know the kind you have to put a stamp onto.

23.  Taped a Barnes and Noble gift card  to the windshield of car

 24.  Walked into Target and handed a lady a Target gift card--she actually didn't seem very excited about it, but still I felt strongly that she was the right person to give it to.

25.  Dropped a basket of flowers off at a random person's house

26.  Taped an Itunes gift card onto the windshield of a car 

27.  Brought treats and cards to local fire station to say, "Thanks for serving our community."

28.  Didn't yell at the kids when they were grumpy and quarreling on my birthday

29.  Found a lady walking in the park and handed her an Itunes gift card 

30.  Brought treats and a note to someone who just moved in

31.  Gathered stray carts scattered around a parking lot and returned them to the store--this one was something that was actually noticed by the store manager who was quite happy and expressed his gratitude. 

32.   Left kind notes in random places

33.  Brought a bottle of laundry soap with several quarters taped to it and dropped them off at the local laundromat

34.  Paid for car behind us at McDonald's drive-through--this probably ended up being one of my favorite ways to surprise people.  I got to see their reaction through the rear-view mirror, but did not have to talk to them. 

35.  Handed out lollipops to children after church was over--sorry if I sent your kids home on a sugar high 

36. Put an Itunes gift card on the front seat of someone's car

37.  Said yes to the kids when they wanted to eat spaghetti and meatball dinner outside in the yard--I'm quite sure our neighbors think we are a little on the strange side, but, hey, it made the kids happy and kept the meatballs off our floor! 

Although, there's no way I could keep up this frenetic pace of handing people gift cards and candy, I do hope that in the future that I will better be able to recognize opportunities for reaching out to others...in large and small ways.  It truly was an experience of a life-time and I want to thank my family for being supportive of our crazy adventures that took us all over town.  It truly was the best birthday ever.  :) 

Acts of kindness are like pebbles tossed into a reflecting pool. The ripples radiate outward long after the deed is done.

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Parenting Techno-Savvy Kids

Being the oldest of eight children, it is with great empathy that I understand well the plight of being the family guinea pig.  The death of many parenting ideals and theories landed squarely at my feet, while my younger siblings got to enjoy the advantage of more tried-and-true parenting methods.

As Spencer makes his way through the teen years, I feel like his guinea pig status is doubled that of what I experienced.  Not only have Glen and I never parented a teen before, but many of the challenges that this generation of teens are facing are unique in the history of the world.  There aren't  generations of wisdom behind us imparting their ideas of how to deal with texting, portals to the world in our living rooms (internet), and cell phones attached to their hips.  We are the guinea pig parents trying to figure out how to teach a generation of techno-savvy kids glued to gadgets we never even dreamed about in our youth.

I hate to start rambling on about when I was a kid, but here goes anyway.  I remember when I was a kid coming home after an activity and wondering IF someone had called me when I was out.  Now with caller id and cell phones, my kids don't have the experience of wondering, they already know.

 I remember poring over encyclopedias and spending hours in the library looking for just the right books for a research paper.  The other day I  had one of my kids ask me what an encyclopedia was.  They thought I was talking about Wikipedia.

And if I wanted to know what was up with one of my friends, I had to pick up a phone and call them or  even visit them in person *gasp*.   Now with  Facebook my kids know in a nutshell what every single one of their 537 friends' statuses are; the good, the bad, and the ugly.

So how can we, as parents, teach/help our teens (and pre-teens) to keep all this technology/instant gratification in a healthy balance?

It used to be that our homes were relative havens from the ills of the world.  Yeah, there was still the tv, video games, and radio that piped their influences into our homes, but compared to the portal of evil that is easily accessed by the internet, it paled in comparison.  Pornography, once a backstreet industry, is now stumbled across by innocent children and adults every day on the internet.  We have arrived to a place literally foretold in the scriptures, where good is called evil and evil is called good.

As evil influences march more boldly and directly into our daily lives, we need to be aware of the tools  that are out there, and be prepared to start utilizing them before we think our kids will need them.  It's time to step up our game as parents.

Here are some things to consider:

*  First and foremost, keep your computer in a well-trafficked, well-lit area of the home.  If you have laptops, make it a non-negotiable requirement that it be used in the public, well-trafficked parts of the home.  Our kids do not have their own computers, but if they did they would be on a strict check-in/check-out basis, so that their access would still be limited.   When laptops are not in use, keep them hidden away out-of-sight.

*  Make all your computers password protected (with a password your kids don't know) and then keep your computers locked every time they're not in use.  It's a bit of an inconvenience to have to unlock the computer every time you (or a child) needs to use the computer, but it is the single best thing we've ever done to keep our computer usage in control.

*  Parental controls on the computer:  Most PC's and Macs have parental control capabilities built into them and my advice is to use them from Day 1, long before your kids are cruising the internet.   Make the kids their own computer account (still password protected) where they will have maximum protection 100% of the time they're on the computer.

* A commercial web blocker.  There are many wonderful programs on the market, but we use Web Watcher and highly recommend it.   It's totally invisible on the computer, so there's no way for them to access it and change the settings themselves.  I love that in addition to its powerful content blocker (blocked by categories and alert words you choose yourself), you can also record chats, emails, and even keystrokes.   It even utilizes a "smart camera" where it will take screen shots  when certain websites are accessed.  At this point we rarely check the recorded data, but use it mainly for the content blocking, where in addition to blocking adult/gambling/weaponry/inappropriate websites, we also keep YouTube blocked, since we felt there was way too much unfiltered content available there.

* Cell phone parental controls:  I won't lie, there's not a whole lot available here.  The few things we did was to not buy a data plan.  We have the internet at home and felt like there's no good reason for kids to be perusing the internet when they're out of the house too.  Time away from home is the time to be active and be social and internet access does nothing to enhance those experiences.  The second thing we did was that we blocked picture mail completely from Spencer's phone (we did this by calling our cell phone provider).  We heard too many stories about sexting and people sending inappropriate images through cell phones, that we just felt like it was easier to block the capability altogether rather than to trying to keep up with monitoring what friends and acquaintances might send to him.   A friend of mine says that her cell phone company offers a way for the kids' phones to essentially turn off certain times of the day.  She sets it so that every night at 9:00pm her son can only receive calls or texts from the parent's home and cell numbers.  Sprint did not offer that service, or we probably would utilize that too.

* For cable and satellite TV, take the time to use the parental controls available.  Keep all movie and other questionable channels  blocked with password protection and DO NOT tell your kids the passwords.  It seems obvious, but I know way too many kids (as young as 4-years-old) who know their family's TV password and can access any channel they want.  We keep almost all of our channels blocked and change our password every few months to ensure that the kids haven't figured it out.  Again, the inconvenience of having to physically come and unlock a channel they want to watch is worth the peace of mind of knowing that when we're out of the house, they can't access the garbage.

*Video game systems have never been a big part of our children's lives, but I know they're very popular in a lot of people's homes.  It is my understanding that a lot of these video game systems now have interactive capabilities that gives them access to the internet as well as opportunities to network and chat with other gaming strangers.  You need to take the time to be aware of what your system can do and take the appropriate precautions to keep your kids safe there too.

While I believe that parental controls are invaluable tools in this new day and age, if nothing else to prevent most of the accidental garbage getting through, ultimately though the best thing we can do is to teach them well.  Talk to them frequently and with openness about the dangers they're facing.  Give them examples of situations they may face and talk them through what they can do.  And most of all, teach them to recognize and heed the spirit's promptings.  All the parental controls in the world installed at your house won't do a bit of good once they walk out your front door and sit down at a friend's computer.   They have to be educated.

We have to be educated.

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“Our youth … need the help of their parents in resisting [temptation]. They need a tremendous amount of self-control. They need the strength of good friends. They need prayer to fortify them against this flood tide of filth."  President Gordon B. Hinckley, “Great Shall Be the Peace of Thy Children,” Ensign, Nov. 2000, 51.

“I have commanded you to bring up your children in light and truth."  D & C 93:40

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Sugar Free FAQ's

I've had a lot of people asking me questions about my new quest to be sugar free, so in the true spirit of divulging TMI on the internet I've compiled a list of my most frequently asked questions and answered them all for you right here.


What prompted the no sugar diet? I felt like I was addicted to sugar and the temporary burst of energy it provided. I was finding it harder to keep my weight stable and I was growing increasingly worried about my long-term health and the example I was setting for the kids.  


How are you doing it? The way I'm doing it is that I'm completely avoiding sugary foods six days a week and indulging in something special once a week (usually Sunday).  


Is this permanent? At this point, I'm viewing it as a permanent thing. Eventually I hope to get to a point where I'm not as obsessive with my sugar fixation and that I will be able to indulge in those special treats that come along (even if it's a couple times a week). But for now I feel like I've got a long way to go, before I can reach that kind of self-control.


How do you handle the cravings ? At first, it was just pure mind over matter and not wanting to cave in front of my kids. I've been chewing gum like crazy too. One of my biggest challenges here is that I found myself subconsciously filling the hole that sugar left in my diet with other carbohydrates, like homemade bread and cereals. While my homemade bread is whole grain and my cereal choices were healthy, I still realized that I was plugging a hole. Now that I'm more conscious of it, it's not as bad. I'll still use a bowl of Cheerios as an afternoon snack, but not the mindless eating of them by the handful. I still struggle day-to-day with cravings, especially on stressful days, but they've become much easier to handle now.  


Did you get headaches? I did get headaches (and stomach aches) occasionally from the withdrawal, but I found the hardest part was being tired. I had been using sugar to keep my energy level artificially up and I really missed those jolts of energy that sugar gave me. With that though, I quickly realized that while I missed the jolts, I was also missing the crashes that inevitably followed the burst of energy. I feel like I have been much more even since beginning this quest. Even-energy wise and even-tempered.


What about Cami's treat baking? Do you still always have treats in the house? Well, let's see....right now we have a heaping plate of peanut butter bars Cami made on Sunday for our FHE treats and 2 boxes of Girl Scout cookies we ordered before we started our quest. They're both hidden out of sight, but it's common that we have treats of one form or another in the house at any given time. Having said that, one of the quickest benefits of Glen and I embarking on this journey, was that it was not as rewarding for Cami to bake treats as often as she had been. She is now focusing her efforts on making more special treats for Sundays, which have to last until FHE too. It's been a very good change for the whole family.  


What about social eating? While I still struggle more with my private eating habits, social events have been difficult too. Like last night at Enrichment night, there was a homemade cake on every table and everyone was sampling all the different kinds. I had to intentionally throw away my silverware and refuse the plate, so I wouldn't try to snitch just a bite. I also find that the more people I tell, the easier it is to refuse, because I don't want to embarrass myself by cheating in front of knowing eyes. 


Have you lost any weight? I have no idea. We just bought a scale on Saturday, but I do feel more svelte and calm if that counts for anything.



Any suggestions or techniques you want to share? It's much easier if you can get your husband on board with it too. Glen had always been very resistant to any kind of drastic dietary changes like this, but he finally realized that this was a moderate approach that thus far has been very maintainable to us. Granted we're only about 6 weeks in, but I'm hopeful that we can keep this up for the foreseeable future! I also believe that accountability is huge. That's why I talk about it on the blog and openly tell friends and family about it.


Have you ever tried drastically changing a bad habit before? What kinds of hurdles did you face? Any words of wisdom for me?

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How to be happier person...

I've never considered myself a naturally creative person, but over the years I've gone through many creative "phases". Sewing, recipe collecting, crocheting, cross stitching, scrapbooking, FHE lesson making, card making, blogging, etc. have all occupied many hours of my time. I'm not that great at any of them, but I have found a great sense of satisfaction as my skills have improved with practice and I love the feeling of accomplishment when I actually finish my project and have this new creation before me that didn't exist a few hours before.

I've thought a lot about why I thrive on this "extra" part of my life, and I've decided that it has to do with the fact that there aren't many other things in my life ever finish. Every day I cook, clean, do laundry, help the kids, drive people around, and pay bills, just to wake up and do it all again the next day. Don't interpret this statement as complaint, I'm merely saying that sometimes it's a little frustrating to have things undone so quickly after I've done it.

There have been many times in our married life when I'm sure that Glen thought I was some kind of sick masochist for the stress I put myself through to complete a project before a deadline (usually self-imposed deadline), but somehow at the end it's always been worth it to me...adrenaline, lack of sleep, messy house, and all!

[Like these fun cards that I popped out this week for card club--totally worth it!]

So I found it so interesting when President Uchtdorf spoke about this very thing in Women's Conference last week. I felt like he expressed this yearning inside of me better than I ever could myself...

"The desire to create is one of the deepest yearnings of the human soul. No matter our talents, education, backgrounds, or abilities, we each have an inherent wish to create something that did not exist before...Creation brings deep satisfaction and fulfillment. We develop ourselves and others when we take unorganized matter into our hands and mold it into something of beauty—and I am not talking about the process of cleaning the rooms of your teenage children."

So I'm not crazy! I've just recognized that I'm a happier, better person/wife/mother when I have a creative outlet in my life!

So thanks for bearing with me while I hone my latest creative phase...this blog!